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Thursday, December 22, 2005

Eat the dark

Another ragged post. I just read this though....

A medicine woman said to me once
“Chase the Dark. Eat it. It will
become you.”
‘and what’s that?’
I asked
“whatever you have become.”
she said.
~Tori Amos


I followed you through the dark winding street
Water dripping at my heels and sounds pulsing from my chest.
I don’t think you heard them though.
Never allowing less than seventeen yards between us,
I wondered if you knew I was there.
If you did, you never let on
Your step never quickened and your neck never swung back to look
For me.
It felt like a dream but I think I was really there. And I didn't dream tonight.
Maybe I was only visiting your dreams; maybe the dream king shared the memory with me
And now you’re left with me in your dream, though you never looked back.
I wonder if you remember me.
I can still smell the rain on the dirt covered cement and the beer drifting out of the lazy dark bars.

First draft - working...

All those moments will be lost in time
Like tears in rain.
-- Rutger Hauer, as Roy, in Blade Runner

Guilt hampers the spirit

Wow, I haven't really been posting much. Busy I suppose. Feeling weird this holiday season. Normally I am so excited at this time of year, with the holiday spirit swirling around, and knowing I will soon be hanging out with my family which is almost always a very fun time spent. This year though...I don't know. I just feel a bit different. I guess change happens. I've been busy for one thing. I think I need to just re-realize the spirit that I love about this time of year and allow myself to linger in it for a while. . .without guilt or any similar feeling. Because what I just remembered is this time of year is fun!

So much on my mind though. Things that seem so scary and things that I feel alone in dealing with. Which is maybe the way I need to deal with them. I'm not sure though. It doesn't feel like I should be. Confusing time right now. Things feel off. I feel off. I feel like I've been running around and doing this and that that I have forgotten about the things I like to do and the fun things in life and the joy of doing nothing and relaxing. It's sad when that happens. Time slips these things away from us and once we realize it, sometimes they're so far gone that it's tough to recapture them. And capturing them in the first place isn't the answer anyway. I mean, it's letting go of it all, isn't it? But what should we let go of? How do we know?

Ramble ramble.

Each day, and the living of it, has to be a conscious creation in which discipline and order are relieved with some play and pure foolishness.
~May Sarton

Monday, December 19, 2005


This quote just made me chuckle this morning....

Now, my good man,this is no time for making enemies.
-Voltair On His Deathbed In Response To A Priest Asking That He Renounce Satan

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Dream whispers from the Giant

You dreamed you were God
and awoke alone and cold.
Large giant of perception
with fingers of fire
Striking down the weak
around him. Fierce energy.
Your voice must have washed
through his empty intestines
as he became you
In dreams
and in waking life
as you walk tall and speak sure.
God in your gaze and in the
notes and waves that swirl
from your tongue
Wrapping around everything
within and without reach.
Whose god was it that I heard
whisper prophetic truths to me
in the night?
Was it you, love?
I fall back into dreamland
with one eye open and no dreams.

Sundays in Spring

I am really digging some of the lo-fi stuff on this "net label"'s site....
Check out the releases on the site - really quick loading and good sound quality:

I'm still making my way through it all, but enjoying everything I've heard so far...

Tuesday, December 13, 2005


A little reminder that I came across on Andrea Scher's site today....came across it at a perfect time when I needed the reminder:

"Those of you who are scattered,
simplify your worrying lives. There is one
righteousness: Water the fruit trees,
and don't water the thorns."

This lump

This lump in my throat is getting worse
and the tension won't seem to go away.

I feel it in my chest and my throat and my head
and I know it's not good for me.

Ugh. Stress.
Sometimes it's so hard to identify the actual reason for it.
What's the rational and what's the irrational part of this?

Maybe lunch and sun will help the feeling.
Talking doesn't help...makes it worse I think.

Rambling thoughts for today...

Friday, December 09, 2005

Who knew... could be so amazing...

This is glass. It's a piece by Dale Chihuly.

Go check out his site - it's very large - there's a ton to look at. There are even videos to watch him in the process...doing some amazing things and all with glass. I'm blown away (no pun intended ;) )Wow! This is just amazing stuff. As you explore his site, you'll understand why I'm so amazed. Check it:

Thursday, December 08, 2005

World on Fire

Just watched this powerful video... If we all could just do a little, it can make a difference. I know it doesn't always seem that way, but it may be true.
Watch the video here:

John Lennon remembered

Brian Hamill photo

Today is the 25th anniversary of the day that John Lennon was shot and killed.... I was too young to remember where I was or what I was doing when this news got out, but I'll have to ask my parents their story because I'm sure it was upsetting news for them...As it is now and each year. As for me, I still love his music and the music of the Beatles who will always be my favorite band.


Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...

Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...

Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.
Writen by: John Lennon

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Photo Booths Rock

So I just found these photo booth photos in my drawer. I think they’re from mine and Kerilyn’s (what is the grammatically correct way to say that???) trip to California. Santa Cruz, I believe.

So I’m on the hunt for photo booths. I want to start hitting them – you know, in all that free time that I don’t have! J

But, when there’s time, perhaps a boy I know would like to join me. Cape May? A fun drive anyway! Take a walk on the cold beach, watch the waves, get our photos and we’re outta’ there!

Here’s a list of places and check out this cool site.


Whoa. Never thought about things this way....

Many promising reconciliations have broken down because, while both parties came prepared to forgive, neither party came prepared to be forgiven.
- Charles Williams

Friday, December 02, 2005

Jasmine in the afternoon

Late afternoon is lazily floating around me.

The light is flickering in and out of clouds and I can almost feel the darkness lingering in slowly.

As the sky begins to grow dim my body appeals for rest.

I notice my shoulders - too stiff to move my arms and my neck drowsy and unbending.

My mind on the verge of collapse rallies with my body and we sit in silence together.

Body and mind in tacit peace.

The dull hum of the building around me feeds the moment.

Lifting the warm ceramic to my lips, I pause, letting the jasmine infuse my senses; a hot, sweet spiciness that I can almost glimpse with my eyes; delicate pearly whisps suspended before me.

My nostrils caress the spices that dance barefoot as they slowly enter, embracing the aroma.

Sipping the liquid and feeling the colorful flavor, time no longer matters.

Hot luscious softness permeates my belly and my throat.

Closing my eyes ever so gently all there is is this moment.


Added 12/07/05:
In response to the (funny)comments that have been posted on this one
This little piece is not in any way autobiographical. At least no time soon!
I was just going for the idea behind it.... more of a metaphor than an actual likeness of any person.... impregnated with ideas and with life that can all be so blue well as blue in terms of mother in terms of the earth and mother earth and the blues she must endure at times...and blue for those feelings that sink into your belly and seem to eat away at the lining...

Dream time

So our dreams sit there in front of us and then at times we mingle with them and hold them in our hands and at times we ignore them or push them away...maybe even try to change them. But how many of the dreams that you've ignored for years keep coming back? Keep popping up when you least expect them? I guess those are the big I'M STILL YOUR DREAM! STOP IGNORING ME! moments. And hopefully we stop ignoring them. I am done ignoring mine. Done trying to change mine. They'll change and grow and shift on their own without me doing it intentionally. They already have. For me, creativity is the main driving force...combined with understanding and expression I suppose....throw some feeling into the mix and we are onto something!

What steps can we take and are we taking to make the dreams real?
For me, right now, it's using my hands. It's creating even when I don't feel like it. It's drawing even when I think I suck. It's continuing making things even when I make something that I find crappy. It's immersing myself in it and finding the courage and motivation to go with it. It's life I guess.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one getting burned.

We are born, so to speak, provisionally, it doesn't matter where. It is only gradually that we compose within ourselves our true place of origin so that we may be born there retrospectively and each day more definitely.
- Rainer Maria Rilke

Current mood: Painfully bored
Current music: The Be Good Tanyas

Thursday, December 01, 2005