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Thursday, December 22, 2005

Guilt hampers the spirit

Wow, I haven't really been posting much. Busy I suppose. Feeling weird this holiday season. Normally I am so excited at this time of year, with the holiday spirit swirling around, and knowing I will soon be hanging out with my family which is almost always a very fun time spent. This year though...I don't know. I just feel a bit different. I guess change happens. I've been busy for one thing. I think I need to just re-realize the spirit that I love about this time of year and allow myself to linger in it for a while. . .without guilt or any similar feeling. Because what I just remembered is this time of year is fun!

So much on my mind though. Things that seem so scary and things that I feel alone in dealing with. Which is maybe the way I need to deal with them. I'm not sure though. It doesn't feel like I should be. Confusing time right now. Things feel off. I feel off. I feel like I've been running around and doing this and that that I have forgotten about the things I like to do and the fun things in life and the joy of doing nothing and relaxing. It's sad when that happens. Time slips these things away from us and once we realize it, sometimes they're so far gone that it's tough to recapture them. And capturing them in the first place isn't the answer anyway. I mean, it's letting go of it all, isn't it? But what should we let go of? How do we know?

Ramble ramble.

Each day, and the living of it, has to be a conscious creation in which discipline and order are relieved with some play and pure foolishness.
~May Sarton


At 3:08 PM, Blogger This dreamer girl said...

I know we're geographically far away.. but i'm here.. if you need me.. we (you and i) always seem to say that.. "i'm here if you need me" but we don't actually lean on each other.. i don't know why that is... weird.. but i am here.. and even if you don't call me.. I'm thinking of you.. sending you light.. wondering what your doing.. it's not a hug.. or a phone call .. but it is my love.. and i have a lot of it to give to you.. love,ker

At 3:11 PM, Blogger This dreamer girl said...

and finally..

don't let ANYONE.. even people who SAY they have your best interest in mind... even me... change or sway your feelings in your heart.. and your gut.. I know you know that you'll make the right decisions.. that the people who love you will be show you in some way that you are not alone.. you might not see it as fast as you might want.. but it's there.. please believe that honeydew.


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