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Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Gloaming magic

I’m watching the gloaming through my window as I sit at my desk wishing I was outside to watch the golden pale sunlight cast beautiful shadows on everything it touches. Sometimes it looks like glitter flickering on leaves and sidewalks and grass. I think it’s the most beautiful time of the day – the time between sunlight and dark – when the light is walking the line and holding hands with the darkness. It possesses a magical quality; short lived and rare – a glow that makes us stop and take notice and be in that moment for as long as the moment will take hold of us.

I wish I could curl up and sleep for a while and I wish that when I woke up everything would be solved, resolved, figured out and answered. My heart hurts and I feel like I don’t have enough to give. Either that or I just give it in all the wrong ways. Things are ending and I want to skip that part and get to the new beginnings. The fun exciting part.

The pit is back with a vengeance. It felt like it would tear me in two when I woke from dreaming this morning. I didn’t remember my dreams. I told myself last night before my eyes closed, remember your dreams tomorrow, they may be trying to tell you something or give you answers. But I don’t remember even a glimpse of one. I wonder if it’s true that our dreams are the parts of us that we choose to ignore during the day – the parts we are too scared to face in waking life. Or are they, as I discussed with someone recently, another us – a sort of parallel us – that lives fully in our “dreamworld”. Are they a parallel us living a whole other life where dragons really exist and we can fly and colors are different? Maybe when we dream it’s just us mingling with them – dipping quickly into their plane or dimension of existence. Do they dream and think of how weird our world seems? How magical our daily existence seems?

Dreams keep us going but what happens when the hope starts to fade and our faith starts to hide in the background? What happens when the mistakes seem more and more than the great moments of goodness.

I’ll just throw the questions to the gloaming and maybe they’ll be answered in the magical darkness of my dreams.

1 Comments:

At 1:05 AM, Blogger LDahl said...

January is National Pit month isn't it! I can sure feel what you are writing about. I'm a little like you...I want to hurry up and get going again:) I do believe it has to do with holiday overload/letdown and short days. Wish we could just sleep until the middle of Febuary. Where are our warm caves when we need them?
I've bookmarked your page:) Have a great weekend!

 

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