So I think that this year may be the first year that I am truly beginning to realize my dreams. I will leave out short-lived childhood dreams, because I’m sure I filled lots of them in the quick imaginative ways that children do. I don’t mean to make them sound unimportant; in a way they’re the most important ones, it’s just that I don’t very clearly remember them.
It feels really great to finally say “Screw you, fears! I’m doing it.” And yes, the bouts of fear sometimes come tumbling over me like waves one after another, almost knocking me down and pulling me under, but I’ve managed to keep my breath for the most part in this past year. Sure, it gets difficult, but I’m learning to keep the focus on the dreams and get back into it when I slack instead of beating myself up and sinking down low.
I’m so excited for what’s coming next! New place, new people, new space, new environment, new ways for me to express myself and relate to others. Yeah, there are some scary things in there. Ugh. Meeting new people. Not knowing anyone in a new place. Being in a house with only a boy who sometimes drives me out of my mind (but who I love!)…Scary stuff, but it’s like all of these new doors are going to open and my vision will be so much wider.
So, one of the big dreams that I’m finally realizing is art. Doing art. Living art. Creating it every day instead of imagining it and dreaming about it. Art school. Finally. Coming. Hopefully. I am so excited about the thoughts of it being “real” and the thoughts of sharing my creativity with people who can help me grow and evolve as an artist.
I’ve taken so many paths that have lead me away from being an artist, and it feels right to now be on the path to being one. And if it doesn’t work out at least I will know how to invoke creative sparks in my life at as many turns as possible.
Right now, first step, coming up soon – Art on the Avenue. I’m going to actually (hopefully – ha ha) sell some things that I’ve created. I’m so excited about this, but I have to admit it’s a bit intimidating to put myself out there like that. I’m sure that, to a certain degree, I will unfortunately tend to hold back a bit in terms of what I put out there, but I’ll try to let go.
That’s all for now. For today, I just want to create a yummy dinner. Red beans and rice and wine. Yum.
4 Comments:
it's interesting how living out our dreams can seem to be so scary. it is what we all want for ourselves and yet there is so much fear involved. cheers to you for conquering those pesky fears and making dreams a reality - - - it sounds like you have so much ahead of you. best of luck with everything.
good choice! as for me, my facing my fears is trying to swallow my anxiety over a pantload of hard classes that will be my universe for nine months.
I can say that from knowing you since we were 17/18 years old k... I have seen SUCH growth in you.. in the way you see your world.. the way you interact within it and your awareness at how you can move things around within it.. with your thoughts and words.. I am SO damn proud to stand by you and call you my best friend.. and will continue to stand by you as you face each and every fear!!!
Love you MochaChica!!!
ker
Sounds interesting, fun, and exciting! But, do you have a child? Who is this boy you mentioned? Do you have any important men in your life? (I hope this doesn't sound like harassment, because I am just curious) Hope all sees fruition! Please don't think I'm a stalker, because I'm not. . .really.
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